I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
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Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
