i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
