note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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