Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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