I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
