Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
