Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
