Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
