I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
