so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
