I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
