I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
