btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
