Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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