peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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