so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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