My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
