someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
