I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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