Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
