My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
