I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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