She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
