chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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