if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
