why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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