the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
