i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
