I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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