while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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