I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
