Pants 0. Shit 1.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
