what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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