and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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