I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Randomize
