when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
that may or may not have been my penis.
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