So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
