I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
