you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
