And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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