I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
