Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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