why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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