Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
