woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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