Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
