I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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