someone get that fucking seahorse.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
