Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
