I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
