She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
